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King Kaufman

This is why King Kaufman is the best sports columnist ever:

Denver quarterback Jake Plummer didn’t get the nickname “The Snake” by sporting a look of panic when faced with a safety blitz. He got it because his first name is Jake. “Jake the Snake,” get it? It rhymes. If his name were Mocket Hasser Plummer, his nickname would be “Pocket Passer,” which would be silly because he’s a much better quarterback when he’s on the run.

Also, what kind of name is Mocket Hasser Plummer? But the point is, nicknames aren’t necessarily apt, though “Jake the Snake” happens to be.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 22nd, 2006 at 2:27 am and is filed under Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “King Kaufman”

  1. akjensen Says:
    January 23rd, 2006 at 7:08 am

    Rhyming nicknames are almost always better than other varietys. Take, for example, “Never Nervous” Pervis Ellison.

    Then again, Chris Berman’s nicknames trump even those. Ben “Technicolor Dream” Coates, “Werewolves of” London Fletcher and Carlos “One if by land, two if by sea, three if” Baerga are right at the top of the overall list of best nicknames ever.

  2. J Cubed Says:
    January 23rd, 2006 at 6:27 pm

    Here’s what King has to say about Chris Berman:

    The NFL draft incorporates the two worst features of American life: all-day committee meetings on a weekend and commentary by Chris Berman.

  3. akjensen Says:
    January 24th, 2006 at 6:58 am

    King couldn’t carry Berman’s golf bag.

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